Got up and did my morning routine:
coffee (w/creamer – I got some the other day) – this time 2 cups
– read the paper. Also, I rewashed (then dried, folded, put away)
my clothes I left in the washer last night. Also, during this
wonderful peaceful quiet
(not even Channel 936), I looked through the AVON book that came with
Nanny's order. So, then I decided to take a shower. I could hear Momma
getting up. * sigh* I knew what was next. Anyhoo, after my shower, I
cleaned the bathroom – except the floors. For some reason, I don't
want to clean when they're here. Guess it's just that way b/c if JP &
WT are home, I don't wanna clean...b/c they track it faster than I
can clean it. But here, there's no one to track it except me. So,
while I'm cleaning, I hear the tv. POOF! I feel irritated. I remember
saying something a few days ago – maybe last week? - about how I'm
looking for something to do, & Daddy says that I could always
clean the house. (Not his words, but that's the meaning.) I clammed
up b/c it ain't my house to clean! I try to keep my messes cleaned up
and to a minimum, but fuck! I shouldn't hafta clean a house that
Momma's perfectly capable of cleaning. God forbid that I watch hours
of tv – if I watch at all, and then it's 4 hrs of what I want (Food
Network). *In the grand scheme of things, what does this matter??
Deep breath.* I do have some organizing to do before I head out to
the library, grocery store, & gym. I've yet to eat. I am a little
hungry, but not really in the mood to cook anything – really missing
my yogurt & granola – though I should cook my bacon before it
goes bad. I may do another wrap and drink milk.
I
feel like I'm getting lazy b/c I have a tv. (I guess I'd be the same
w/net, but I can control that vs the tv b/c I'd be the only one using
it.) I volunteered to work AWANA again this year – Cubbies
Director. I really do enjoy it. It's a lot of work, but if I can stay
on top of it this year I think I'll be ok. At first, I wasn't gonna
volunteer, but one of my kids from last year convinced me otherwise.
When I told him that he wouldn't be in my class, his face fell. Then,
without thinking, I assured him that I'd still see him every week.
At that point, I'd made a promise I knew I had to keep.
Made
it by the gym, library, and grocery store today. Got in some tan time. I
told Mom that when I go to the gym, I hope to run into Brother. She
then said that he commented that I talk too much at the gym. I'm
floored – completely out of left field. I don't know what I said
besides mentioning at sign-up that he goes there. I don't go around
talking his business. Think I'll text him. Said “If you have a
problem w/me, come talk to e about it. It hurts really bad for it to
come through a 3rd
person.”
A
sense of gloom has hung over me today. Not really sad/depressed about
anything – well, til now w/Brother. I think it's the weather. I'll
be glad when the sun comes back out, though I've really enjoyed
wearing my hoodie. I have missed it! I felt very confident today
wearing my favorite outfit – jeans, t-shirt, tennis shoes, and my
beloved hoodie.
Talked
to Brother. Turns out he didn't say what Momma said he'd said. He
said that I talk too much when I have him on the phone, and he
doesn't have that kind of patience. Brother came down to eat some
chili. Before he left, he gave me a hug and told me he loves me. Made
me feel a lot better.
(Originally written 8/17/13)
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